MiSeRy

you are the only person to whom i could open up.. i dont expect other people to understand what i'm going through right now.. there is no other time that i really felt as miserable as i am right now.. and day by day, i'm finding it so so hard to smile, and to be happy, and to be as energetic as i was.. it's gotten so hard to continue living this life, surrounded by selfish people, incapable of loving. i very much regretted ever living, i regretted very much having to live this life.. in the first place, i never really asked to be born.. but why is it that every minute, i am always reminded that i have to pay back for all the things that that damn mother gave me? is it not her duty? i am trying so hard to find a job, i never failed to find a job, but even if i got accepted to that job, i couldn't really go through it since i can't comply with the requirements, coz she won't give me money.. if only she had ever listened to me, all of these things wouldn't have happened.. but as usual, she is a very damn hypocrite, a very stubborn person.. i can't do anything anymore, coz the extent of the damage she has done, i can't undo them anymore.. she placed us in this predicament, i can't always go and solve things for her.. hello? she's the mom!!!but why do i end up cleaning after her mess? i'm so tired of cleaning up her mess.. let me just get this out of my chest, maybe i'm just saying this coz i'm so hurt as of the moment, but for the past few days, there is no other time that i have ever regretted that she is my mom!!!!!! and get this, call me mean or whatever, but day by day, my hatred for her has grown.. i thank her for raising such a stupid and crazy daughter: me!!!!!!

somehow things are getting out of hand..

awhile ago, i had to go to their house, coz his dad contacted me.. his whole family were there.. his grandparents, his uncle, his dad.. his sister was also there.. she wanted to make sure that things wouldn't go out of hand.. and i am really grateful for her presence.. she gave me enough strenght to fight a hopeless fight.. :)

i dont know if i can get through this.. but she told me just to hang on.. coz she wouldn't really leave her bro and me alone.. she would also help.. coz she found it so so senseless, the way they were acting about us..

i tried pointing out to her father, that anyway, we were just couples.. we are not talking about marriage.. and there is still this very great possibility that his son will change his mind bout me.. but he is adamant.. he wants me to stay away from him.. so that was why he sent him to singapore.. to have time away from me.. is that like a joke?

i've always thought things like these only happen in television.. i never thought that one day, i would also get to experience these kind of complications and drama in life...

i knew our relationship was too perfect.. and i was right to assume not to really expect for a problem-free relationship... don't get me wrong.. we don't really have problems with each other... it's the people around us who are giving us problems.. i mean, why do they have to react to our relationship? it's not as if they will be the one who will be spending moments and loving each other.. with all due respect to the people who are really meddling on our great love story, i don't really care what they say, and what they do does not really affect on how i see them and how we will be treating each other.. i just want them to stop thinking and adapting the traditional way of things; i just want them to broaden up their scope, coz we're already in the 21st century.. haller? why can't they just understand that we both love each other, and no matter what they do and who they are, that won't really hide the truth: that my twuart and i really love each other so much.. we can't change the fact that i am who i am and he is who he is.. i don't care, correction.. we both don't care.. we will fight.. no matter how hard you will be stopping us.. we will take the risk.. char.. that's the way things are supposed to be..

sigh....

i just can't describe this happiness i am feeling right now for having been able to contact my friends from grade school.. it's been nine years since i have last seen them, and i just can't believe that they still remembered me... super, i just couldn't believe it.. and they really didn't change a bit..

sigh, now i am wishing that i never just transferred school.. then we would've been closer and i wouldn't have turned out to how i am right now, super problematic.. i miss my friends so much it hurts.. huhuhu...

how i wish i could be given just one chance to see them, hug them so tight.. i really really miss them... sigh..

cOnFuSed...

sometimes, i prefer to go back to school, in order to avoid making big decisions.. but how else will i proceed with my life, if i keep on looking back? sigh...

i am so damn confused right now.. i am so confused which of the three companies will i working in..

here's the stitch:

company a is a new company.. it is the pioneer company here in the philippines.. they can also be called the pioneer in the so-called KPO (Knowledge Process Outsourcing).. imagine the risk i will be taking if i decide to work there.. but on the other hand, the job specification is really what i wanted.. i also have this big chance to be a manager and work abroad, since i will be a part of the pioneer team..

company b is a stable company.. it promises me a nice pay, and great compensation, but the company is too far from where i live, and it will be so expensive if we will be transferring or i will have to find a boarding house there.. and the reputation? well, many has been telling me that i should not really work there.. they only sound good at first, but in reality, they really do not do what has been agreed...

company c is not really a company but a firm.. it is a very well known department store here in cebu.. then i just dont want to work there.. huhuhu..

am i way too picky?

i am so confused.. i really wanna work in company a but people are telling me to accept either company b or c.. no company a..

wu zun: my current craze.. :)

last time i had a crush on a celebrity, it was during the craze over titanic.. i remembered so well that i was so crazy over leonardo dicaprio(did i get the spelling right?)..

and now, i am back to this celebrity craze... this time, the person i am so lovestruck with is from a very well-known Taiwanese drama series, Hana Kimi.. if you wanna know about hana kimi, i have below some links that will tell you the synopsis or plot of the story..

hana kimi taiwan (original version)
hana kimi

that will surely tell you something about the story..

this is the story where my idol has been acting for.. my idol's name is wu zun.. in the story, he is known as Zuo Yi Quan.. i don't know, but there is something about him that really makes my heart lurch.. i am just so lovestruck over him..

you wanna know my idol better? i have supplied a site for you, so you will also learn to appreciate and like him..

wu zun (goh kiat chun)

i also have pictures of him.. here you go.. :)

aS ToLd bY mEh... (chapter 1)

many people has been commenting that my life is kind of like a telenovela. i can't help but agree. but really, it's not something to be proud of. there are countless times when i'm actually wishing i was never born. in the first place, i never asked to exist. i just came into existence coz my mom wanted another child. but seriously, in my 21 years of existence, i never came to feel and know my purpose. my life seems so full of hardships; i never seem to run out of dramas. and that is how i came to be called as

"PESIMYSTIQUE DRAMA QUEEN".

you may have noticed that the pesimystique has a rather weird spelling. i owe that spelling to a very important person in my life. there is more to it than just a name or word. first thing, he named me pesimystique coz i surely am very pessimistic! no matter how much you assure me that everything is just fine, i just can't seem to settle down. i tend to worry so much, so much that it's giving me and causing me insomnia.

another reason he called me pesimystique is my passion over mystical things. he once told me that i exude a mystical aura. in fact, when we are asked to draw something that would best describe who we really are, he told me that i should draw an elf. well, i have to admit my drawing skills are rather rusty, so he drew it for me. it was rather cute. wish i could show it here. someday, i will scan it and upload it here for you.. :)

but anyway, enough of that. let's talk about things; things and proofs as to how i came to be a telenovela princess.. for the next chapter, let's start discussing about the things that happened when i first came to be in this world..